To us, it made sense that The Bold and the Beautiful would have Hope again turn down Thomas’ proposal. She got together with him mere minutes after their illicit kiss led to the end of her marriage to Liam. It would take her — or anyone — some time to get their feet back underneath them, we thought. This is, in layman’s terms, what you would call sane behavior.

But Thomas, sister Steffy, dad Ridge… they’ve all been acting as if Hope has committed a mortal sin by daring to express her desire to remain with the man she loves without going so far as to immediately tie the knot. Steffy has even gone so far as to insist that Hope has been toying with Thomas’ emotions, as if it is outside the realm of possibility that she could want a relationship with him but not a rebound marriage to him. “The way she is seducing my brother, targeting him,” Steffy seethed. “Thomas is completely devastated because she’s just using him.”

Yeah, because what guy isn’t completely shattered by the woman he loves proclaiming her love for him while sexing him up breakfast, lunch and dinner?

However nonsensical, the twist has made for great drama, for sure. But beneath that, something troubled us. The vehemence with which Team Thomas has argued that Hope must be crazy or up to something not to want to say “I do” has felt like it went a step beyond. To analyze the matter, we brought in an expert, Jill Patent, LCSW, who confirms that we are witnessing a case of gaslighting. “It’s a form of abuse. They’re basically trying to make her think there’s something wrong with her and not him.”

Typically, gaslighting is perpetrated by someone close to the victim — and does it get any closer than Hope’s significant other and his family? “The goal is making the victim distrust their own decision-making and start relying on the bullies to tell them what to do,” Patent says. “It usually occurs over time so that the manipulator can break down that person, lower their self-esteem and get them to really start to doubt themselves. Eventually, they go with their abuser’s decisions rather than the ones they would have made if they were thinking for themselves.”

For Hope, it’s a no-win situation. If she stands her ground and refuses to impose an artificial timeline on her and Thomas’ relationship, he will feel like he has been proven right, that she wants their romance “to always just be some breezy thing.” If she gives in to the demands of her detractors, they’ll suspect that she is doing so halfheartedly, only because they pushed her to do so.

What would help “Thope” incalculably would be for Steffy and Ridge to clam up and butt out. “It should be up to the couple to decide what their goals are in the relationship, and if they don’t have the same goal, then again, it’s up to them to decide whether they continue on,” says Patent, adding that counseling might help them see heart to heart. She doesn’t hold out much hope for the couple, though. “If he’s adamant because he wants to be married, then that would be the end of the relationship. He’s not respecting her wishes or willing to be vulnerable to see if maybe later she’ll get married.”